tackling writer's block with bananas

June just began and Taipei has already morphed into some sort of convection oven. A step outside our building meant risking my fresh clothes and clean hair to be drenched in perspiration within the matter of seconds. The sun isn't as blistering as it had been in the South (when I went on tour the previous two summers), but the humidity! It wraps itself around you like a heavy, damp blanket, and any hopes you have for the slightest breeze are crushed by the thick mugginess. June just began, and I can only imagine the humid weather come mid-July or August. To think I actually refused to install an air conditioner in my room...

I've been having consecutive unproductive weeks. I haven't been baking, I haven't been cooking, I haven't been reading as much as I used to. Once I'm hooked to a novel, I can read for hours, lying on my bed with my feet propped up against the rounded white headboard. But these days I feel distracted. Maybe it's the same old stress--the same family issues, the same lingering self-doubts that rattle both nerves and confidence despite perpetual reassurance.

I haven't been writing, I haven't been blogging. What I did do was attempt the dreaded personal statements. But despite having a story to tell, despite the emotions, the epiphanies, and the inspiration that came with it, writer's block still got the best of me. Every approach I took, every good idea that formed in my head trickled out bland and lifeless once my fingertips tapped the keys.

So I'm writing this post to tackle my writer's block--hence the title--and to hopefully draw out the motivation to get back on my feet again!

With the lack of posts all month, I haven't updated about my summer classes have I? Last Wednesday I took a placement exam at the university where I'll be taking Mandarin classes. Except for a few empty blanks and a horrendous elementary-level essay, the exam wasn't as complicated as I'd imagined. At orientation yesterday I received my schedule, bought my textbook, and found the tiny classroom I'll be going to and from for the next three months.

And so I baked mini treats ahead of time to bring as afternoon snacks. Since we had two overly ripe and disgustingly browned bananas abandoned and untouched in our fruit bowl, I used them and my new silicone baking cups to make mini banana bread cupcakes :)

the oven's back with a carob coconut loaf

Good news! Our shipment finally came! Two days ago to be exact :) And the first thing I did was unpack ALL of my baking equipment and set up my beloved convection oven in my new workspace a.k.a. my bedroom. My dad was skeptical about this at first, but I finally convinced him after showing him how far away I placed the oven from my bed frame and closet, so as to not accidentally set anything on fire...

I can't explain how happy I am to be baking again! It's been about four months since the last time I legitimately baked with the oven, so I was actually a bit hesitant to begin. The numerous recipe ideas I've bookmarked in my head didn't help the cause much either.

But the hesitation easily subsided once I set my giant bowl before me--my other gadgets and ingredients positioned off to the side, bordered along the edge of my peripherals. Even with the tabbed recipes in mind, I immediately dropped my initial plan for a banana-based recipe when I came upon a shelf stacked full of cans of coconut milk at the supermarket earlier that evening. I have been--and always will be--an almond milk-type person (even though they don't sell almond milk in Taiwan *cry*), so I never really got around to trying coconut milk. I already set my mind on using carob powder no matter what I was making, and well, coconut and chocolate do complement each other...

So a carob coconut loaf it was! I highly doubted the loaf was going to taste any good because I didn't add honey. Yeah I know--extra sugar and calories and all--but I approve of honey-use since it is a natural sweetener, and just a tablespoon or two enhances the mildly sweet flavor every tasty loaf of bread needs. So I opted to melt some dark chocolate instead, even though I expected the other ingredients would mask its sweetness.

lemon poppy seed "breadcake"

Despite having been sleep deprived for the past few weeks due to packing and stressing about the horrors of life and reality, I still find myself fully awake deep into the night that I wonder if my circadian rhythm's been permanently damaged. Maybe the four years of zero period and two summers of insanely early--not to mention long--rehearsals have finally caught up with me. That being said, one would assume that I'd be catching up on all my sleep now; yet it's the exact opposite. I further waste away valuable sleep time being awake and full of energy.

Why.

It's like I like torturing myself with less slumber though I know I'll always wake up late and on the wrong side of the bed. Staying up usually leads me into doing one of two things: baking or playing dress up. 

banoffee pancakes

I think I've already confessed my love for breakfast and all breakfast foods. For someone who loves breakfast so much, is it sad that what I actually make every morning only interchanges between two things? Not that making scrambled eggs is a hassle, or that I lack ingredients to dish up something elaborate; I simply find pleasure in a bowl of hot oatmeal adorned with fruit and multiple dollops of almond butter. To say that I can eat oatmeal for all three meals is not an exaggeration.

There are consecutive mornings where our amber-colored cooking pot can be found bubbling and sputtering out its oatmeal-y contents onto the stove top; but as easy and relaxing as it is just standing in one place, stirring the creamy yet grainy mixture, truthfully, oatmeal can get kind of boring.

So today I went with the only other option: pancakes. I don't purposely limit myself to only oatmeal or pancakes every morning, but for some reason only these are the only two breakfast foods that can satisfy my stomach's calling (that is, until I invest in a waffle iron).

 

The best thing about pancakes is how easy it is to whip up the batter. Eggs, flour, and milk mixed together in a bowl and you get the basic pancake batter (take or leave a few other things)! Without my measuring cup and spoons, I've been eyeballing the ingredients, so the numbers for these banoffee pancakes are mere approximations.

gluten-free buckwheat pizza crust

Since I've been going mostly gluten-free in my baking and cooking, I invested in some organic buckwheat flour! I'm not really familiar with it except that it's used to make soba noodles, and it's somewhat bitter in taste. I'll be experimenting with it more though later on.

Today I made a gluten-free buckwheat pizza crust topped with cottage cheese and vegetables! I omitted the garlic powder and apple cider vinegar, which is most likely why my pizza dough came out tasting not so great, SO don't be like me, and just follow the recipe :)

After I baked the pizza dough, I spread about half a tablespoon of olive oil right onto the surface of the dough, then topped it with two cloves of minced garlic, a few dollops of cottage cheese, one diced roma tomato, thin zucchini slices, some freshly chopped parsley, and some salt and pepper to taste. 

Though I wasn't too fond of the crust, I loved the brightness of the parsley atop the vegetables and the slightly salty punch the minced garlic bits created beneath the bed of toppings. As it turns out, cottage cheese may not be the best kind of cheese to use on a pizza because of its high liquid content. I took my pizza out of the oven to find it half of it covered in the liquid; but either way, I like the texture and light flavor of cottage cheese so the little mishap was made up for.

national brownie day: gluten-free kabocha swirl hazelnut brownies

Happy National Brownie Day! I've decided that I will only make food on the national food days written on my Pop Pilates Calendar, just to prevent myself from overeating. So I've made Kabocha Swirl Hazelnut Brownies! I purposely left over some kabocha puree for today, and I thought I'd put into good use the raw hazelnuts from Sprouts that have so far been left untouched.

This recipe is one of the few that I'm really proud of :) I looked for gluten-free brownie recipes but in the end, chose to improvise my own. And they turned out delicious! Smooth and creamy, the kabocha swirls balance out the rich dark chocolate brownie. Pumpkin (or in this case, kabocha) and chocolate is a combination that should be recognized like peanut butter and jelly. Even though fall's nearly over, anything pumpkin flavored just evokes holiday feel and warmth.

The chewiness and decadence of these brownies make you feel pretty guilty after you've consumed one or two (or four) and gushed them down with some almond milk, but these brownies are healthier than your conventional full fat, full sugar, full flour brownies. I replaced butter with olive oil, granulated white sugar with brown sugar, and flour with the ground nut meals.

gluten-free lemon poppy seed squirrel cookies

 

I haven't been baking or cooking as much as I normally would (at least twice every day) and I don't really like that feeling of having to postpone recipes.

I've been having strange back pains--or soreness, I can't really tell--and I couldn't fall asleep the past two nights without incessant squirming or flipping around. I tried stretching and unsuccessfully attempted massaging my back but waves of lethargy washed over me and these past two days I was mostly sitting down or laying in bed, instead of baking and cooking.

But anyways...I still have the pains/soreness/whatever it is but I managed to get my butt off the couch and make something. I almost backed out of baking but motivated myself knowing I'd regret being lazy for so long, and here's the result: a squirrel family.

I love the lemon and poppy seed combination in muffins, so why not a cookie! I love the zesty lemon and subtle earthiness of poppy seeds, not to mention the tiny crunch here and there.

pumpkin macarons & gluten-free honey kabocha bread

Today a bunch of old high school friends and I gathered at the park for a potluck reunion, so I made macarons :) It was pretty frustrating. I don't know if it's because of the fluctuating weather and all but I had to wait 24 hours--yeah, a WHOLE day, LITERALLY--until my macarons were finally set and ready to bake. I was skeptical about waiting so long since they usually only take 1 to 2 hours to set. But the long, long wait was worth it. My macarons still had the signature ruffled feet and the smooth shell, and pumpkin flavor! Nutty with a hint of spice that pairs all too well with plain almond butter :)

I wanted to make a pumpkin buttercream to sandwich in between the cookies, but I liked how the almond butter tasted better. Plus no need for more powdered sugar or butter in the end product :) I had another batch this morning that wasn't set to bake yet, but I was afraid there wouldn't be enough macarons to go around, so I baked them anyway.

lemon (bar)

Sometimes it's hard deciding what to bake. Actually, it's always hard. There are too many recipes to choose from--new ones to try, old ones to revisit; but beyond choosing the recipe is the difficulty in figuring out what to make for whom.
 

There are faces, personalities, memories of family and friends intertwined with food.

Lemon is my friend B. Musically we were a sonic pair back of PCP in the 2011 drum corps season; but this past season our tag as the sonic pair went beyond the notes.

We high-fived for everything we both had in common: from calluses on the same fingers to sunburns on the corners of our mouths (a really strange and painful place to have a sunburn), to the same neon green air mattress, to college, to even our majors! I remember one time on tour B exclaimed, "I looove lemon bars", and somehow that exact moment stuck with me, even the enthusiasm in her voice change when she said it. Every time I see, read, hear about lemon bars or just lemons in general, B pops into my mind.

My first time making lemon bars (and a healthier version too) and they turned out quite successful! The crust is a crisp and sweet honey almond cookie, the filling custard-like and tart. I used brown sugar in place of white granulated, and the only difference is the slightly darker hue that is barely noticeable.

mini gluten-free chocolate cupcakes with avocado chocolate mousse

I know what you're thinking. Avocado chocolate mousse? Right?! I had my doubts at first too since I've made this mousse before. Sadly it didn't go well topped on the butter-and-sugar chocolate cupcake I'd made. Tried it again and it somehow magically and nicely paired with the gluten-free chocolate cupcakes :) the raspberry too.

The avocado and chocolate pairing is kind of an acquired taste. I was a bit skeptical in revisiting this recipe, but this time I found the subtle avocado flavor rather pleasant and just different. Though the distinctiveness of the cocoa and of the avocado offsets the palate at first taste, the flavors marry and becomes a smooth creaminess that just simply...works. Yay for healthier chocolate fixes :)

gluten-free goji berry chocolate chip cookies

I've never heard of using Goji berries in baking. I see it in a lot of recipes nowadays, so I guess the fruit's becoming pretty popular; but the Goji berries I grew up with were simmered in chicken soup until they were so tender they melted in your mouth and their sweetness slid past your taste buds.

These are one of the most successful cookies I've ever made too. I'm not much of a cookie person, I like baking macarons and decorating cakes more, and for some reason my chocolate chip cookies never really had that crunch, crisp, or chew that the chocolate chip cookies are supposed to have. These cookies turned out a lot fluffier than I'd expected, and they taste really good! The Goji berries complement the dark chocolate chips in the nutty almond dough that isn't too sweet. The original recipe called for cranberries and walnuts but since I lacked both I just added more Goji berries and chocolate chips, and they turned out just perfect :) 

reminiscent of starbucks

 

It's 12:34 AM and I just took my freshly baked banana chocolate chip coffee cake out of the oven. Of course late night baking means it's going to become my breakfast the next morning. I wanted to make a pastry, maybe bread or a roll or something, but for some reason Starbucks crossed my mind. Starbucks. The moment you walk through the door all you smell is the sweet aroma of ground coffee beans; you hear the buzzing of the machines as they top off each drink with foam. Sometimes it's hectic and lines are long, but just a jolt of that coffee paired with one of their bakery goods and it's an easy breakfast on the go.

Near the end of Autumn each year I would start going to Starbucks almost every morning--or every other morning to be exact. It sort of became a ritual: 6 AM with my salted caramel mocha and banana chocolate chip coffee cake and then off to morning rehearsal.

Starbucks seemingly took over my life these past two summers. I went on a month-long tour both summers, basically living on a charter bus and occasionally sleeping on gym floors; being deprived of the necessities of normal life does make you go a bit crazy when you encounter something you're ordinarily accustomed to. In this case, for me and my friend C, it was Starbucks. Every city and state we went to, C and I tracked down Starbucks locations on her phone. Sometimes we were really lucky, and after shows or on free days we'd literally run to the nearest Starbucks and indulge in our venti green tea lattes and trenta iced coffees and get that comforting feel of being somewhat back to normal life--but only for that moment.

gluten-free blueberry muffin (pan)

Instagram: ayymeee

I compiled a list (in my head) of recipes I want to attempt, pastries and dishes I want to create, recreate, or perfect.
On this list is to recreate the blueberry muffin as baked by Pain du Monde Bakery&Cafe.

Their large blueberry muffins are soft, light, and fluffy, and are not overwhelmingly sugary or rich in butter. They are studded with fresh, plump blueberries that naturally sweeten the muffin, and Pain du Monde cuts them into squares!

I found two of these 8-inch diameter paper pans in my baking pantry a while back and couldn't think of what to do with them. I thought of making a cake or an apple or peach crumble, but that never happened. I've been trying to avoid using butter (sorry Paula Dean) even though butter DOES make pastries flaky and moist and delicious...But I'm doing my research so hopefully I'll find a good alternative soon :) I've read about coconut oil and a method to make vegan butter, and I have yet to try.

gluten-free apple cranberry tart

I have never in my life felt so much love for apples until today. 

I woke up around 5:30 AM today to set up for a community garage sale. After 6 long hours of waiting and watching and pretending to be somewhat of an entrepreneur, my nose became runny and I felt congested and I thought I was about to get sick. Took a nap and woke up STILL feeling congested, and you know what they say: "An apple a day keeps the doctor away"! :D And so I ate an apple. And it was the juiciest and crispiest apple I've ever had en mi vida and that's my story of what brought me to this apple recipe. An apple recipe is pretty fitting for autumn too :)

Teresa Cutter's apple pie recipe gave me the idea to attempt something fruity. I mean I've used bananas and such but I've never actually made a baked good where the main feature was the fruit. It was usually chocolate, but I'm open to switching things up a bit :)

Instead of using apple juice that Teresa's recipe calls for, I simmered my apple slices in cranberry juice. The cranberry added a sour kick to the sweet apples, a combination that paired rather nicely with the crust.

Apple slices simmering in cranberry juice

Apples all soaked up in cranberry juice :)

At first I wanted to lay my slices out in a line, but it looked plain and the slices didn't fit well with the tart mold, so I went with the rose. I was a bit scared of attempting the rose because I've never made a fruit tart before, but overlapping the slices wasn't as hard as I thought, and I'm pretty satisfied with the outcome :)

late night gluten-free banana bread

I'm guilty. I'll admit it. I ate past 7 pm today--something I told myself NEVER to do. I will hold myself accountable for that tomorrow, but I can honestly say I felt more peaceful than guilty.

Late night eating warms the soul somewhat. Late at night, the duties of the day are over with, the worries forgotten in those moments of indulgence, our nerves are finally at ease and our five senses can slowly work its magic and appreciate the food from its every aspect. It's relaxing and blissful, and maybe that tad hint of guilt from late night eating challenges the inner rebel, daring to take just one more bite...I personally must stay away from this habit but otherwise, it truly is a calming experience. The chilly autumn weather is just a bonus :)

strawberry banana pancakes

I'm stuffed from eating these gluten-free strawberry pancakes I made this morning. Good thing they were delicious :) especially with honey!

Last night I stumbled across Teresa Cutter's website "The Healthy Chef" and I found her recipe for blueberry banana pancakes using almond meal and ground flaxseed. Since I lacked blueberries in my fridge--but had a TON of strawberries ($2.99 @ Trader Joe's awyeuh)--I decided to change up the recipe a bit.

These pancakes are soft and creamy from the bananas and the cinnamon adds a nice twist to the nutty flavor of the almonds. I cut the original recipe in half when I made my pancakes, but I found the cinnamon to be a bit overpowering, so I changed that in the recipe below.

My recipe yields 3 pancakes but I only have 2 pictured here because I failed miserably at flipping the last pancake so its broken pieces were not pictured.

These strawberry banana pancakes are healthy and very filling, and are a great way to satisfy the sweet tooth while eating clean and gluten-free :)