tackling writer's block with bananas

June just began and Taipei has already morphed into some sort of convection oven. A step outside our building meant risking my fresh clothes and clean hair to be drenched in perspiration within the matter of seconds. The sun isn't as blistering as it had been in the South (when I went on tour the previous two summers), but the humidity! It wraps itself around you like a heavy, damp blanket, and any hopes you have for the slightest breeze are crushed by the thick mugginess. June just began, and I can only imagine the humid weather come mid-July or August. To think I actually refused to install an air conditioner in my room...

I've been having consecutive unproductive weeks. I haven't been baking, I haven't been cooking, I haven't been reading as much as I used to. Once I'm hooked to a novel, I can read for hours, lying on my bed with my feet propped up against the rounded white headboard. But these days I feel distracted. Maybe it's the same old stress--the same family issues, the same lingering self-doubts that rattle both nerves and confidence despite perpetual reassurance.

I haven't been writing, I haven't been blogging. What I did do was attempt the dreaded personal statements. But despite having a story to tell, despite the emotions, the epiphanies, and the inspiration that came with it, writer's block still got the best of me. Every approach I took, every good idea that formed in my head trickled out bland and lifeless once my fingertips tapped the keys.

So I'm writing this post to tackle my writer's block--hence the title--and to hopefully draw out the motivation to get back on my feet again!

With the lack of posts all month, I haven't updated about my summer classes have I? Last Wednesday I took a placement exam at the university where I'll be taking Mandarin classes. Except for a few empty blanks and a horrendous elementary-level essay, the exam wasn't as complicated as I'd imagined. At orientation yesterday I received my schedule, bought my textbook, and found the tiny classroom I'll be going to and from for the next three months.

And so I baked mini treats ahead of time to bring as afternoon snacks. Since we had two overly ripe and disgustingly browned bananas abandoned and untouched in our fruit bowl, I used them and my new silicone baking cups to make mini banana bread cupcakes :)

chocolate paleo mug cake

I feel like I've hit a wall. A towering, thick brick wall cemented to the ground with no way of getting over or around it because both sides run infinitely on. My life's been so routine. I guess it's alright knowing exactly what's going to come next but I miss the whimsical unexpectedness too. I've been kind of unmotivated and stuck on what to make next. Every time I find some daring or delicious recipe, instead of just going for it, I start questioning every aspect of the process.

Would I make too big a mess?

I think we're almost out of eggs.

I'm feeling lazy today. 

I'll save the recipe for tomorrow.

And tomorrow turns into more tomorrows and I gradually lose that initial drive. I've been anxiously waiting to move forward and move on in life and yet I find myself still sitting, still waiting behind the brick wall with my mundane routine squatting next to me.

Sorry for such a random and emotional post. Guess I've been contemplating too much about life and wondering too much of what the future holds for me.