tackling writer's block with bananas

June just began and Taipei has already morphed into some sort of convection oven. A step outside our building meant risking my fresh clothes and clean hair to be drenched in perspiration within the matter of seconds. The sun isn't as blistering as it had been in the South (when I went on tour the previous two summers), but the humidity! It wraps itself around you like a heavy, damp blanket, and any hopes you have for the slightest breeze are crushed by the thick mugginess. June just began, and I can only imagine the humid weather come mid-July or August. To think I actually refused to install an air conditioner in my room...

I've been having consecutive unproductive weeks. I haven't been baking, I haven't been cooking, I haven't been reading as much as I used to. Once I'm hooked to a novel, I can read for hours, lying on my bed with my feet propped up against the rounded white headboard. But these days I feel distracted. Maybe it's the same old stress--the same family issues, the same lingering self-doubts that rattle both nerves and confidence despite perpetual reassurance.

I haven't been writing, I haven't been blogging. What I did do was attempt the dreaded personal statements. But despite having a story to tell, despite the emotions, the epiphanies, and the inspiration that came with it, writer's block still got the best of me. Every approach I took, every good idea that formed in my head trickled out bland and lifeless once my fingertips tapped the keys.

So I'm writing this post to tackle my writer's block--hence the title--and to hopefully draw out the motivation to get back on my feet again!

With the lack of posts all month, I haven't updated about my summer classes have I? Last Wednesday I took a placement exam at the university where I'll be taking Mandarin classes. Except for a few empty blanks and a horrendous elementary-level essay, the exam wasn't as complicated as I'd imagined. At orientation yesterday I received my schedule, bought my textbook, and found the tiny classroom I'll be going to and from for the next three months.

And so I baked mini treats ahead of time to bring as afternoon snacks. Since we had two overly ripe and disgustingly browned bananas abandoned and untouched in our fruit bowl, I used them and my new silicone baking cups to make mini banana bread cupcakes :)

banana carrot loaf cake

The only thing I've been wanting to bake these days is bread. Bake a loaf of bread and you've got next-day's breakfast set and ready--which is why I love baking bread late at night :) Sadly, the oven is no longer stationed in my room :( so good-bye to falling asleep to the sweet aroma of freshly baked bread...

But that might just be a good thing--so my room won't infest with ants and all.

Anyways, instead of making bread at night like I usually do, I baked this banana carrot loaf in the morning! But that's besides the point. I'm really proud of this loaf of bread! Since I basically just threw a bunch of ingredients into a bowl and then mixed it all together, I'm rather impressed that my banana carrot loaf turned out especially well: moist, dense, spongy, and not too sweet :) Banana-based recipes usually end up with a overpowering flavor of bananas no matter what else you add in to the batter; but surprisingly, the shredded carrots have a natural tangy sweetness stronger than that of the banana, so this banana carrot loaf tastes, in a way, a lot like carrot cake!

the oven's back with a carob coconut loaf

Good news! Our shipment finally came! Two days ago to be exact :) And the first thing I did was unpack ALL of my baking equipment and set up my beloved convection oven in my new workspace a.k.a. my bedroom. My dad was skeptical about this at first, but I finally convinced him after showing him how far away I placed the oven from my bed frame and closet, so as to not accidentally set anything on fire...

I can't explain how happy I am to be baking again! It's been about four months since the last time I legitimately baked with the oven, so I was actually a bit hesitant to begin. The numerous recipe ideas I've bookmarked in my head didn't help the cause much either.

But the hesitation easily subsided once I set my giant bowl before me--my other gadgets and ingredients positioned off to the side, bordered along the edge of my peripherals. Even with the tabbed recipes in mind, I immediately dropped my initial plan for a banana-based recipe when I came upon a shelf stacked full of cans of coconut milk at the supermarket earlier that evening. I have been--and always will be--an almond milk-type person (even though they don't sell almond milk in Taiwan *cry*), so I never really got around to trying coconut milk. I already set my mind on using carob powder no matter what I was making, and well, coconut and chocolate do complement each other...

So a carob coconut loaf it was! I highly doubted the loaf was going to taste any good because I didn't add honey. Yeah I know--extra sugar and calories and all--but I approve of honey-use since it is a natural sweetener, and just a tablespoon or two enhances the mildly sweet flavor every tasty loaf of bread needs. So I opted to melt some dark chocolate instead, even though I expected the other ingredients would mask its sweetness.

lemon poppy seed "breadcake"

Despite having been sleep deprived for the past few weeks due to packing and stressing about the horrors of life and reality, I still find myself fully awake deep into the night that I wonder if my circadian rhythm's been permanently damaged. Maybe the four years of zero period and two summers of insanely early--not to mention long--rehearsals have finally caught up with me. That being said, one would assume that I'd be catching up on all my sleep now; yet it's the exact opposite. I further waste away valuable sleep time being awake and full of energy.

Why.

It's like I like torturing myself with less slumber though I know I'll always wake up late and on the wrong side of the bed. Staying up usually leads me into doing one of two things: baking or playing dress up. 

pumpkin macarons & gluten-free honey kabocha bread

Today a bunch of old high school friends and I gathered at the park for a potluck reunion, so I made macarons :) It was pretty frustrating. I don't know if it's because of the fluctuating weather and all but I had to wait 24 hours--yeah, a WHOLE day, LITERALLY--until my macarons were finally set and ready to bake. I was skeptical about waiting so long since they usually only take 1 to 2 hours to set. But the long, long wait was worth it. My macarons still had the signature ruffled feet and the smooth shell, and pumpkin flavor! Nutty with a hint of spice that pairs all too well with plain almond butter :)

I wanted to make a pumpkin buttercream to sandwich in between the cookies, but I liked how the almond butter tasted better. Plus no need for more powdered sugar or butter in the end product :) I had another batch this morning that wasn't set to bake yet, but I was afraid there wouldn't be enough macarons to go around, so I baked them anyway.

pull-apart coffee swirl bread with green tea kit kat filling

Pull-apart coffee swirl bread! I've wanted to make this recipe for a while now and it's the first time making bread bread, using yeast and actually kneading the dough! I adapted this recipe from Foodiva but I didn't have matcha at home, so I changed it up a bit. This recipe is somewhat versatile; you can use matcha, cocoa, coffee, and other powders and flavor combinations too! Next time I"ll definitely try the matcha+cocoa combination and come up with other ones too :)

late night gluten-free banana bread

I'm guilty. I'll admit it. I ate past 7 pm today--something I told myself NEVER to do. I will hold myself accountable for that tomorrow, but I can honestly say I felt more peaceful than guilty.

Late night eating warms the soul somewhat. Late at night, the duties of the day are over with, the worries forgotten in those moments of indulgence, our nerves are finally at ease and our five senses can slowly work its magic and appreciate the food from its every aspect. It's relaxing and blissful, and maybe that tad hint of guilt from late night eating challenges the inner rebel, daring to take just one more bite...I personally must stay away from this habit but otherwise, it truly is a calming experience. The chilly autumn weather is just a bonus :)